Mr and Mrs Potter
by TheWitchesOfTrayil
Summary: Lily and James are getting married. But with Sirius and Moomoo, I mean Sirius and Remus around there is never a dull moment! Have you ever heard of skirt for men? Well Sirius and James have never!
1. Telling Sirius

Hey! TheDragonRider and Inkspell-child of the fairies here to bring you another crazy random fanfic! R+R please!

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**Telling Sirius**

**Lily:** You tell him!

**James:** No way! You tell him!

**Lily:** He's your mate!

**James:** Yeah…but if he gets mad you can always distract him with your…erm…womanly features!

**Lily:** WHAT?!

**James:** I'll go tell him…

**Lily:** Good! About time to! Womanly features indeed!

**James:** Well you do know Sirius! He's a pervert! You _do_ have womanly features, you got to admit that!

**Lily:** JAMES! And I didn't deny it!

**James:** Well it would be kinda hard to deny it - too much evidence to the contrary!

**Lily:** Jeez! Don't know why I agreed to marry you!

**Sirius:** You're getting married?

**Lily and James:** SIRIUS!

**Sirius:** Well hello to you to!

**James:** How long have you been listening?

**Sirius:** Long enough to find out that Lily _DOES_ have womanly features!

**Lily:** God help me! (shakes head)

**James:** What?

**Sirius:** Cheer up! You are marring Prongsie here!

**James:** I told you not to call me that!

**Sirius:** What? That's your name!

**James:** Fine then, _Paddy_!

**Remus:** Ha-ha! Paddy!

**Sirius:** Shut-up **_Moo-moo!_**

**Remus:** HEY! (Points wand at Sirius!)

**Sirius:** Hay, is for horses!

**Remus:** RIGHT, THAT IS IT! (Raises wand to hex Sirius)

**Sirius:** AH! He has a pointy stick! (Hides under table!)

**Lily:** I want a divorce!

**James:** Can't we get married _first_?

**Lily:** Fine! But as soon as it is over - DIVORCE!

**Sirius:** Remember to cut the cake! You can't forget the cake!

**James:** Of course not!

**Lily:** Oh how silly of me! I might not even have a cake!

(Prolonged silence)

**James, Sirius and Remus:** (Gasp!) No…no cake?

**Lily:** You heard! NO CAKE!

**James:** You know Lily, sometimes words hurt!

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Hope you enjoyed that! Please review! If you didn't...well okay! We are quite insane! 


	2. WTF is a Kilt?

Hello! Here is chapter two! R+R please!

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Ch****apter 2** **- ****WTF is a Kilt? **

**James:** So, what are we gonna wear at the wedding?

**Sirius:** I don't know! I will wear nothing if that helps!

**James:** GOD NO! We will find some _clothes!_

**Sirius:** What? Are you scared that Lily falls for my - manly figure?

**Remus:** (Falls to the floor in fits of laughter)

**James:** Let's not go there Sirius!

**Sirius:** Scared of some - competition?

**Remus:** (Sides beginning to split with laughter)

**James:** No - scared of naked Sirius!

**Sirius:** Why should you be scared? Many women have fallen for my - er - figure!

**James:** Do I look like a woman…?

**Sirius:** Well -

**James:** Don't answer that!

**Remus:** We could hire kilts! (Recovering from laughter and getting up)

**Sirius and James:** What the fuck is a kilt?

**Remus:** It's a skirt - for men!

**Sirius:** A SKIRT?!?!?!

**James:** Then I would look like a woman!

**Sirius:** And then we would be in love!

**James:** Um….why would I be in love with _you_?

**Sirius:** We have discussed this! Pay attention! Because of my figure!

**James:** What figure would that be? The number of brain cells in your head?

**Sirius:** Right! You asked for it! (Starts to take off his clothes!)

**James:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Remus:** MY EYES!!!!!!!!!

**Lily:** What the hell? Sirius? What the…? AH! MY EYES! HEEEELP!

**James:** (Throws a towel to Sirius) Cover up man!

**Sirius:** Scared I - entrance your fiancée?

**James:** No I'm just SCARED!

**Remus:** (Hands still over his eyes) Is it safe to look yet?!

**Sirius:** Yes! (Removes the towel!)

**Remus:** NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!!

**Lily:** (Faints!)

**James:** SIRIUS! You killed Lily - oh and Remus!

**Sirius:** But you are still here? Is it because you, _love_ me?

**James:** HELL NO! I'm still here because I am blind!

**Sirius:** ?

**James:** Blind - you know - when you can't see?

**Sirius:** I DO KNOW WHAT BLIND IS!

**James:** Go get your clothes on!

**Sirius:** If you are blind, how do you know that I'm still naked?

To be continued...

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A/N: Sorry if any one out there is now scarred for life! Hope you enjoyed that! Please review!**


	3. Kilts at Last! No not really!

**Kilts at Last! **(No not really!)

**Sirius:** So explain that to me again. Skirts - for men?

**Remus:** Yes. Men in skirts!

**Sirius:** Do we get tights?

**James:** I hope not! We have all just recovered from the 'au natural' incident!

**Sirius:** Yeah, he-he!

**James:** Where do we purchase these - 'kilts' ?

**Remus:** In a kilt shop!

**Sirius:** They have a shop for men's skirts?

**Remus:** Yes, it's called 'Tartans Galore'!

**James:** You made that up!

**Remus:** No I didn't! It's right here, in the catalogue!

**Sirius:** What's tartan?

**James:** Anyone - please! Shoot him! IN THE HEAD!

**Sirius:** NOT MY HEAD! That's the best part! Actually, it's the second best part -

**James and Remus:** SIRIUS! NO MORE INFO NEEDED!

**Sirius:** (Looks sad)

**James:** Where is this shop? We have been on this bloody train for five minutes!

**Remus:** A WHOLE FIVE MINUTES?! IT MUST BE THE END OF THE WORLD!  
**Sirius:** (Shakes head) That's not funny Moo-moo!

**Remus:** Don't start that again! (Train begins to stop) We are here!

**James:** Where?

**Remus:** AT THE STATION THAT LEADS TO THE KILT SHOP!

**James:** No need to shout Moo-moo!

**Remus:** ARGH!

**Sirius:** You are still shoutin'!

**Remus:** (Storm's off train)

**James:** The train hasn't quite…(Remus falls onto platform)…stopped.

**Remus:** I knew that! I - erm - meant to do that!

**Sirius:** Sure you did Moo-moo!

**Remus:** That's it! (Storms away down the road leaving Sirius and James lost)

**James:** Bugger!

**Sirius:** Hey, what did he say the shop was called?

**James:** Tartan something or another. Why?

**Sirius:** The shop is right - (Points to building next to James) - there!

**James:** ER - MOO-MOO - I mean REMUS!

**Remus:** What?

**James:** We found the shop!

**Remus:** OK! Found the shop - made me walk all the way up here before saying! (Mutters curses)

**Sirius:** We heard that!

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Chapter 4 coming soon! And they may have actually progressed onto buying the kilts! **D** Or, on the other hand...maybe not!! 


	4. KILTS! AT LAST!

**KILTS! **(AT LAST!)

**Sirius:** Always look on the bright side of DEATH! (whistles merrily)

**James:** Shut up Paddy!

**Sirius:** Hey……(crickets a chirping!)……Prongsie!

**Remus:** That was quick...I got a bagel in that time!

**Sirius:** I want a bagel!

**Remus:** GO GET YOUR OWN!

**Sirius:** Fine I WILL! (Goes to get bagel)

_Ten hours, I mean minutes later, hours was a slight exaggeration. _

**Sirius:** I GOT THE BAGEL!

**James:** (Magically conjures small flag)

**Sirius:** SMALL FLAG! (steals small flag and waves it in front of James face)

**James:** HEY! MY SMALL FLAG!

**Remus: **Right! That is IT! IN THE SHOP **_NOW_**!!!!!

**Sirius:** But I have a bagel, and a small flag.

**James:** IT'S MY SMALL FLAG!

**Sirius:** What are you gonna do about it? Go crying to Lily?

**Remus:** GET IN THE SHOP! (Steals bagel and small flag)

**Sirius:** Bu………..(nearly cries - BUT IS LOST FOR WORDS [for once!)

**James:** But you stole…

**Remus:** **_IN THE SHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _**_Or I hurt the flag!_

**Sirius: **Small flag...(looks sad)

**Remus:** JUST GET INSIDE!!!!

**James:** Nu-hu moo-moo. You have the bagel, you can't go in the shop!

**Remus:** Why not?

**James:** No food in the shop!

**Remus:** Only one thing to do then…(drops the bagel in the bin)

**James & Sirius:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Remus:** Go in the shop and I will buy you each a bagel.

**Sirius:** I don't trust him.

**James:** You'd be right in saying that.

**Remus:** JUST GET INSIDE!

_Remus finally gets Sirius and James in the shop and they buy kilts! YAY!!!! They then decide to wear them on the way home! Actually…Remus decided this!_

**Sirius:** I feel stupid.

**James:** That's because you are!

**Sirius:** HEY!

**Remus:** He does have a point there, Paddy!

_As the train sets off, Sirius suddenly has a thought!!!_

**Sirius:** YOU OWE ME A BAGEL!

**Remus:** No I don't!

**James:** You mean like the dog?

**Remus:** Not beagle…BAGEL!

**Sirius:** I want a dog!

**James:** Sirius - you are a dog.

**Sirius:** Oh yeah…can I get my bagel now?

**Remus:** ARGH!!!!!

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**A/N:** Beagles are cute, it rhymes with bagel and bagels are yummy : P 


End file.
